Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
