These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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