Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
