i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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