You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
why do cheetos always look like penises
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
