You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to fling myself into the sun
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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