Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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