Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
