I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
