waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This toilet bowl is my home.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
