The maid of honor just puked.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
