New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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