I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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