I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
