He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
