3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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