Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your penis caused this!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
