I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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