Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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