I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
