i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
