There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
