i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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