She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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