she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
