trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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