i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
