Your face is a jimmy john
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
