we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
God I need to hump something, right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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