we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
