i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
