If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize