isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
