he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
