had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
