god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
