By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
