I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
