its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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