so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
