I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
