Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
