he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
