my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
