That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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