I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
