I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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