i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
