I didn't shave. On purpose
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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