We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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