uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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