pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
