Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
