Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
