Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
