Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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