okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.