I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.