My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.