No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?