she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.