She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need water and some morals
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
