I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was born a porn star she said
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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